Intentional Motherhood

Don't Let Them Grow Up Too Fast

Catherine Hickem — 2009-09-07T20:52:45 -05.00

Several years ago, someone gave my daughter and I tickets to a Brittany Spears concert. Neither my daughter or myself have been fans of hers but we decided we would go and use it as a sociology lesson. I went and observed the children in the audience and my daughter observed the moms.

We both walked away saddened and appalled.

Tiffany, who was 18 at the time, said she could not believe that moms acted so immature and dressed so scantily, especially since their children were with them. She thought the moms acted more like teenagers who had never grown up instead of being a mom. She was really disappointed at what she saw.

I too, was horrified but for different reasons. I saw little girls with so much make-up they could have been in the circus. They were dressed ten years older than their age and they were obsessed with looking like Brittany.

When you looked at the mom and daughter together, they looked and acted just alike. I don't know about you but I find this frightening. I am especially saddened moms have no idea at how allowing their little girls to act and behave like they are so much older when they are little will hurt them when they are older.

One of my goals was for my children to truly enjoy the age they were experiencing at each stage of life. I didn't want them rushing through so quickly they missed a childhood. Our culture, the media, and life will push them to be ahead of themselves. It is our job to make sure we protect them from moving too quickly so they do not have developmental crises later because they missed out on simply being a child.

Be sure you are their mom and not their friend. Time will cause them to grow up fast enough and you will wish you had those days back.

Always,

Catherine

Pay Attention! They Will Be Gone Before You Know It

Catherine Hickem — 2009-08-28T22:38:04 -05.00

I am sure that as the school year begins and the fall season ushers in a new variety of opportunities, moms will go about the business of signing their children up for a variety of activities. In addition to returning to the school regimen, they will once again address the rapid pace of homework, lessons of various sorts, and practices that go with sports, dance, etc. Life will once again begin to move at break neck speed.

Let me share with you a secret: In the midst of all this activity your children will grow up and you won't know what happened. They change and grow so fast and we will not have noticed because we were so busy we failed to take the time to pay attention to what was going on around them and in our own homes.

My children are grown and I love where we are in their stage of life. I would not want to go back because I know we made the most of their lives when we had them under our roof. However, it doesn't change the fact that I miss them being around as well as the small issues that accompanied their lives when they were little. Now the issues have far greater implications and the world is not as safe as when they were with me.

I share this simply to remind you to pay attention to the moment you are in and don't let it slip away from you. Hug them often, discipline them fairly, do not overindulge them, expect great things for them, and teach them to have a faith in God. All of this takes time so be sure you make the important things a priority.

Always,

Catherine

Does the Word Balance Mean Anything To You?

Catherine Hickem — 2009-08-10T07:26:58 -05.00

Have you ever thought the world was a little wacky? Do you get worried when you see someone doing something to extreme? Does your life feel like it is spinning our of control?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, the common denominator is the lack of balance. Any time we find ourselves feeling crazy, overwhelmed, or simply empty, we will usually find ourselves top heavy on areas and neglectful in others. This is especially true in parenting.

Too often moms overlook other areas of life for the sake of the children. I understand we will all have moments where a child or all of the kids will have to take priority over everything else. That is fine, normal, and appropriate.

Where is gets crazy, for the mom and the kids, is when the mom fails to return to a healthy sense of balance where all areas are valued. It is easy to make our children our world but it is not in their best interest to do so.

For one thing, it places a lot of pressure on them if we live and die for their happiness. In order to prevent raising entitled children, they need to take a back seat so they can appreciate it when they are in the front. It also helps them learn how to live a balanced life because they are seeing it modeled in front of them.

When you study the life of Christ, you see incredible balance. Sometimes he was alone, sometimes he was with a small group, and sometimes he was among the masses.

How are you doing in this area of your life? When is the last time you did something nice for yourself? Remember, children learn what they live, not what they hear.

Take a minute and reflect on the changes that will make your "whole" life better.

Always,

Catherine

What a Day at the Beach Can Teach You

Catherine Hickem — 2009-06-16T23:03:38 -05.00

Recently I have been spending time at the beach. It has been relaxing, inspirational, and refreshing. It has also been a good reminder to appreciate the heart of a child.

Watching a child run from a wave, build a sandcastle, or be startled by the suddenenss of water in their face, has caused me to reflect on the wonder of childhood. They are so trusting and full of curiosit.y. They bring questions to every situation ,which is a gift to the adults in their lives who get to answer them. Their wonder is an invitation to step outside our adult minds and once again see the miracles of life through the filter of their eyes.

Children learn to not explore life when the adults in their world send the message they are too tired or annoyed to answer their questions. It is important for us as moms to understand our children will be more confident, more likely to try new things, and have higher levels of suucess when questions are welcomed, encouraged, and taken seriuosly.

Summer will be a season where you will probably have more time iwth your chidlren. Use it to observe how your children think, what arouses their curiousity, and what are they drawn to learning. Embrace this moment with respect and you will see children who will feel validated and confident.

Always,

Catherine

Keeping Things Straight

Catherine Hickem — 2009-04-05T07:53:30 -05.00

In the next week, many of us will be celebrating Easter. For those of us who grew up embracing this holiday, it was a major celebration in our faith life as well as a tradition. This day was filled with an opportunity to be grateful for all God had done for us through the sacrificial gift of His son. It was also a time where the secular part of hunting Easter eggs, getting Easter baskets filled with goodies, and wearing new outfits to church.

It was always tough to experience both parts of Easter on Sunday morning because the day usually began with an Easter Sunrise service. That meant we were out of the house before the sun came up and we would have to put the fun stuff to the side until much later in the day. The delay did not hurt me because it taught me to keep the priority of the day in order. However, when I became a mom, I decided to make life easier for everyone, especially me.

From as far back as I can remember, the Hickem home always had the Easter baskets arrive on the Saturday before Easter. When the children would arise, they would be sitting out, ready to be explored and enjoyed. We could immediately hide the eggs, play with the surprises, and enjoy the goodies without fear of getting chocolate on new clothes. We could hide eggs all day Saturday, which allowed them to play and celebrate the fleeting joys of childhood.

This tradition then allowed us to embrace the meaning and sacrifice of Easter. It gave us an opportunity to keep the day a priority for our faith, which gave us time to explain, share, and communicate the eternal gift given to us through the resurrection of Christ.

We typically shared an Easter meal with friends and people who we knew would be alone for this holiday. The focus of Easter would be on the one who was the object of our faith and those who needed to feel loved and valued.

As the day approaches, what will you do to make sure you do not lose sight of the things that matter? How will this holiday be remembered by your children? Now is the time to become intentional with making sure you have prioritized the right things.

Always,

Catherine

The Gift of Sleep

Catherine Hickem — 2009-01-12T21:01:32 -05.00

Too often in our society we see where children are allowed to stay up until all hours of the night. There are many reasons why this is so but the end result is that no one wins.

Studies have shown that children who get the proper amount of rest develop greater brain function than those children who don't. Parents who get proper amounts of rest are likely to parent with less regrets and will have better marital relationships. Sounds good, doesn't it?

The truth is that it is a lot easier said than done. Time demands, unexpected interruptions, and life plop into the midst of our plans and before you know it, 9:00 has come around and the kids are still not in bed.

Kids function so much better when they have structure and predictability. They will have clearer thought processes, better self control, and will feel good as the day unfolds. Children who are weary from lack of sleep will be more likely to act out, whine, and listen poorly. What child do you want?

In order to find yourself in a place of no regret later, you will need to be intentional in how you prioritize sleep and rest in your family. By focusing on your sleep health, you will enjoy being a mom more and your children will be more of who you want them to be.

Always,

Catherine

And They Came to Worship Him

Catherine Hickem — 2008-12-14T07:20:38 -05.00

I was recently attending a woman's event at my church for Christmas. In times past, I had worked the event because I was on staff. This year I was there to particpate, soak up, and take in the blessing of the season.

The dinner had been delightful and the talk time with the women in my life had been great. As we moved into the auditorium, I began to assess my heart. What was I expecting? What did I need from the evening? What had 1500 women gathered for on this busy Friday night in December to experience?

I decided if 1500 women, many of them moms, could stop their lives to be still for an hour or two, it had to be important. But would we take advantage of the moment?

As the night unfolded, I realized that the gift of the evening had been I had experienced the true meaning of Christmas. I, like the wise men and shepherds, had worshipped. I felt refreshed and renewed by the experience and ready to face the rest of the Christmas holidays because I had begun with establishing my priorities in my heart.

As a mom, take a few moments to ground yourself. Step back and see what it is you need to do to make sure you don't lose yourself or your focus during the holiday season. By remembering the priority of Christmas, other decisions will be easier to make and you will appreciate them so much more.