It is the Friday after Thanksgiving and I am sitting at my computer. I was reflecting on yesterday, Thanksgiving, and thought I would share a few thoughts.

I had my parents, both children who live out of town, a niece and her boyfriend, as well as a friend of my daughter's sitting at our table. As I listened to each person recount some of the blessings of the year, I paid particular interest to look into their face as they spoke. Having young and old at the table, I take nothing for granted. The old, due to age and health. The young, due to naivete and risk.

I won't forget their faces, their words, or their hearts. I am indeed grateful to have had their presence bless me.

Of course there was the typical Hickem family fiasco where a pot holder catches fire while we are sharing our blessings. Smoke billows and we laugh at the moment. This we call life.

Today I look around and see remnants of yesterday. All but my son will be gone in just a few hours. He leaves on Sunday so I will cherish my time with him.

I say all of this to encourage you to pay attention to the moments you have. Don't take them for granted because they may look very different next year. Someone new will probably be at your table and someone may be missing. Take a moment to thank God for what you have instead of what you don't. Thanksgiving is more than just one day a year. In a healthy person and family, it is a way of life.

Always,

Catherine

Thanksgiving is in a few days and it will be a holiday that for many families, will come and go without any appreciation of its true meaning. I think our nation would be richer if parents understood the importance of using this holiday as an opportunity to reinforce the importance of gratitude and humility.

One of the saddest phenomenons to have come out of the affluence of our culture is the sense this generation of children are owed a life that is at the level of their parents lives now. Too many kids think they should start off with the new car, new house, six figure income, etc. because this is the life to which they are accustom. This is entitlement in its finest form.

If you want your children to be senstive to others, thoughtful, unselfish, and giving, it must start now. Giving needs to be a way of life, not an occasional event. An attitude of humility and compassion can be formed early in a child's development if we are wlling to teach and train them with this value in mind.

On this Thanksgiving, start by asking your children for what they are thankful. Listen carefully to not only what they say but how they say it. Is it an easy question for them to answer or is it something they have already given thought? Don't get frustrated with their response but instead use it as a learning tool to see where you stand with instilling your values.

You may want to take some time to think through your own sense of gratitude and entitlement. For what are you thankful? When is the last time your wrote a letter of thanks or took the time to give selflessly to someone other than a family member?

Years ago my family was experiencing challenging times. I didn't think anything about it because I knew we had made some choices and sacrifices we thought were the right thing for our family. Nevertheless, there were some tough moments.

One day I was going through the mail and I received a check for $300.00 and it was signed "From God". It was a cashiers check and I could not track down who had mailed it. The person who sent it clearly did not want any credit or thanks for their gift.

A selfless gift was given by a thoughtful person who had no desre for the credit, attention, or thanks they would receive. This went on for six months and to this day, I do not know who blessed us. Over the years , we have received gifts in this manner and I am always in awe by the sacrifice.

I hope you will take this holiday to step back and reflect on your blessings. Have a Happy Thanksgiving and don't forget to be intentional in teaching your children the value of appreciation.

Always,

Catherine

Edited: 11/27/2009 at 10:02 AM by catherine.hickem

I usually refrain from getting involved with politics but the recent ruling on mammograms by our government has me hanging from the rafters. It has taken us the last 20 years to get women to be proactive in taking care of themselves and now they want to undo all of this work by mandating new guidelines that delay mammograms until the age of 50.

Really?

Think about it.

How many women do you know who have been diagnosed with breast cancer under the age of 50? Most of them in y life have been in their 30's and 40's.

My sister-in-law died at the age of 48 after battling cancer for 10 years. Her children were 5 and 8 when she was first diagnosed. She would have died much earlier in their lives had she not discovered it through a mammography. It has been a difficult loss for her children at the age of 15 and 18 but they at least have memories of their years together that will stay with them forever.

If women listen to these foolish guidelines, we will have an epidemic of motherless children in our nation. The last thing our culture needs are children who do not have a mother's touch. If women listen to this nonsense, we will see tragedies words cannot describe. We will witness a generation of children who will never know who they are because they did not have a mother's arms to crawl into in their moment of need. We will become a society that is hard, cold, and without conscience because they did not hear the gentle whisper of a mother's love impacting their definition of self.

Death is a form of abandonment and most children will spend a lifetime attempting to overcome the loss. As a mom, make good choices about your health and do not be passive when it comes to taking care of yourself. Set a good example for your children so when they are older, their normal is to have a healthy life.

Get your mammograms because your children deserve to be raised by a mom who takes of herself.

Always,

Catherine

Edited: 11/22/2009 at 06:50 PM by catherine.hickem

Too many times I have sat with a mom who was grieving about her child. As she would talk, she usually would say something like,"I knew something wasn't right but no one would listen". As a result, she would doubt her judgment, listen to everyone's voice but her own, and continue to struggle with her child.

That sense moms have is called instincts and we are given them for a reason. I have never had a mom tell me she listened to them and they mislead her. I have had hundreds say they didn't trust them and regret it.

I share this to encourage you to pay attention to your gut. Don't let anyone talk you out of this "feeling" you have with your children. You are the expert on your children and no one knows them as well as you. Listen to your heart and trust the nudging when it comes. You will be so grateful you paid attention and your children will be blessed because they had a mom that developed her intuitive hearing.

Always,

Catherine

I am tired of seeing children disappear and I am sure it bothers you as well. I am not going to focus on all the bad things that can happen but instead, I am going to tell you my thoughts on what we can do about it.

Safety needs to be a mindset, a way of life, that flows through our daily life. By handling it this way, our children won't be as frightened because we have addressed the issues of safety during our daily experience of living.

Safety must begin with the mind first. Contrary to everything else I see out there, we must help children focus and process first so when something happens, they will think instead of feel, which is what children typically do first since the are primarily sensors for most of the childhood and adolescence.

What are you doing to help your children think safe on a routine basis? Be sure to take the time to answer this question so you can be more confident your children are prepared to deal with the difficult moments which could come their way.

Always,

Catherine

My mom came and spent some time with me recently and we had a wonderful time being together. I was reflecting on what made it so special was that we took the time to laugh. Whether we were reflecting on a past memory, a movie we had seen together, or life simply happening, I loved to hear her laugh.

I then reflected on the areas I love when I am with my children and I came to the same conclusion. Some of my best memories are the times when our family was simply being themselves. Each member of the Hickem family is very different and this makes for a very interesting dinner table. Odd things seem to follow our family and we are forever getting ourselves out of a jam. Whether it is the Christmas tree falling, Taylor and Neil developing an accent to get out of a jam, or Tiff and I getting lost in a new city, we have laughed our way through life.

Maybe you might want to take a moment and assess the laughter level in your home. It is never too late to slow down and make some small changes that will enhance the atmosphere of your home.

When is the last time your children saw you laugh? Questions like these are the ones that will make us better moms.

Always,

Catherine

Several years ago, someone gave my daughter and I tickets to a Brittany Spears concert. Neither my daughter or myself have been fans of hers but we decided we would go and use it as a sociology lesson. I went and observed the children in the audience and my daughter observed the moms.

We both walked away saddened and appalled.

Tiffany, who was 18 at the time, said she could not believe that moms acted so immature and dressed so scantily, especially since their children were with them. She thought the moms acted more like teenagers who had never grown up instead of being a mom. She was really disappointed at what she saw.

I too, was horrified but for different reasons. I saw little girls with so much make-up they could have been in the circus. They were dressed ten years older than their age and they were obsessed with looking like Brittany.

When you looked at the mom and daughter together, they looked and acted just alike. I don't know about you but I find this frightening. I am especially saddened moms have no idea at how allowing their little girls to act and behave like they are so much older when they are little will hurt them when they are older.

One of my goals was for my children to truly enjoy the age they were experiencing at each stage of life. I didn't want them rushing through so quickly they missed a childhood. Our culture, the media, and life will push them to be ahead of themselves. It is our job to make sure we protect them from moving too quickly so they do not have developmental crises later because they missed out on simply being a child.

Be sure you are their mom and not their friend. Time will cause them to grow up fast enough and you will wish you had those days back.

Always,

Catherine

I am sure that as the school year begins and the fall season ushers in a new variety of opportunities, moms will go about the business of signing their children up for a variety of activities. In addition to returning to the school regimen, they will once again address the rapid pace of homework, lessons of various sorts, and practices that go with sports, dance, etc. Life will once again begin to move at break neck speed.

Let me share with you a secret: In the midst of all this activity your children will grow up and you won't know what happened. They change and grow so fast and we will not have noticed because we were so busy we failed to take the time to pay attention to what was going on around them and in our own homes.

My children are grown and I love where we are in their stage of life. I would not want to go back because I know we made the most of their lives when we had them under our roof. However, it doesn't change the fact that I miss them being around as well as the small issues that accompanied their lives when they were little. Now the issues have far greater implications and the world is not as safe as when they were with me.

I share this simply to remind you to pay attention to the moment you are in and don't let it slip away from you. Hug them often, discipline them fairly, do not overindulge them, expect great things for them, and teach them to have a faith in God. All of this takes time so be sure you make the important things a priority.

Always,

Catherine

I was raised to be seen and not heard. I was an only child for a long time so I spent a lot of time with adults. It was easier for my parents to take me with them than to find a baby-sitter. As a result, I learned to listen and act appropriately. The consequences were not pretty if I didn't obey.

When I became a mom, I wanted people to enjoy the presence of my children instead of dread it. That meant I would have to take the time and energy to consistently communicate my expectations of how I wanted them to conduct themselves. There were many times I found a corner for Taylor to stand in at a restaurant in order to follow through on the expectation I had set for him.

It wasn't long until I could take my kids anywhere. Everyone once and a while I would have to reinforce a rule or expectation but for the most part, they were well-behaved.

I share this not to brag or boast. Neil and I put a lot of time into the process of setting our expectations, rewarding the good , and providing consequences for the not-so-good. We both knew that if we paid our dues when they were little, they would have the tools they need when they grew to handle themselves well in the presence of potential bosses and in-laws.

Let me encourage you to make their behavior a priority. I know it is tiring, frustrating, and even boring at times. Nevertheless, by making their behavior a proprity, you will enjoy your children more as they get older and so will others. Teaching children to submit to authority is important because if you want them to ever become strong leaders, they must first learn how to be great followers, This season of life where you are teaching them discipline and obudnaries will serve them well for the rest of their lives.

Investing in this area today will have long term benefits. Hang in there and know you, as well as your children, will one day appreciate the sacrifice of time and love you gave to teach them how to live a disciplined life.

Always,

Catherine

Have you ever thought the world was a little wacky? Do you get worried when you see someone doing something to extreme? Does your life feel like it is spinning our of control?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, the common denominator is the lack of balance. Any time we find ourselves feeling crazy, overwhelmed, or simply empty, we will usually find ourselves top heavy on areas and neglectful in others. This is especially true in parenting.

Too often moms overlook other areas of life for the sake of the children. I understand we will all have moments where a child or all of the kids will have to take priority over everything else. That is fine, normal, and appropriate.

Where is gets crazy, for the mom and the kids, is when the mom fails to return to a healthy sense of balance where all areas are valued. It is easy to make our children our world but it is not in their best interest to do so.

For one thing, it places a lot of pressure on them if we live and die for their happiness. In order to prevent raising entitled children, they need to take a back seat so they can appreciate it when they are in the front. It also helps them learn how to live a balanced life because they are seeing it modeled in front of them.

When you study the life of Christ, you see incredible balance. Sometimes he was alone, sometimes he was with a small group, and sometimes he was among the masses.

How are you doing in this area of your life? When is the last time you did something nice for yourself? Remember, children learn what they live, not what they hear.

Take a minute and reflect on the changes that will make your "whole" life better.

Always,

Catherine