My mom came and spent some time with me recently and we had a wonderful time being together. I was reflecting on what made it so special was that we took the time to laugh. Whether we were reflecting on a past memory, a movie we had seen together, or life simply happening, I loved to hear her laugh.

I then reflected on the areas I love when I am with my children and I came to the same conclusion. Some of my best memories are the times when our family was simply being themselves. Each member of the Hickem family is very different and this makes for a very interesting dinner table. Odd things seem to follow our family and we are forever getting ourselves out of a jam. Whether it is the Christmas tree falling, Taylor and Neil developing an accent to get out of a jam, or Tiff and I getting lost in a new city, we have laughed our way through life.

Maybe you might want to take a moment and assess the laughter level in your home. It is never too late to slow down and make some small changes that will enhance the atmosphere of your home.

When is the last time your children saw you laugh? Questions like these are the ones that will make us better moms.

Always,

Catherine

December is a mom's most challenging month. Class parties, church events, shopping and entertaining are all compacted into one month that stretches us in many directions. It is a a time that is designed to focus on the hope of Christmas and for many moms, is just another month to endure.

I don't believe that God ever intended for Christmas to become a mother's nightmare. It is not his desire for moms to be so overcome with responsibility of doing all the right things they forget to be the right people, much less the right moms.

Let me encourage you to reflect on your priorities and ask yourself the following questions:

Am I so busy that I do not enjoy the holiday?

Do my children get lost in all of the holiday shuffle that they act out, whine, or regress during the holidays?

What can I change or give up that will put less pressure on me?

When Christmas is over, what do you want your children to remember most about it?

Questions like these are important for us to ask so we stay on track with our values and raise children who will remember a mom who was truly glad to be a mom. Intentional moms recognize that they cannot lose sight of what matters most. They will prioritize and maintain the focus of the holidays. They are willing to walk away from lesser things in order to create tender moments and wonderful memories that will be etched into their children's hearts.

As a mom goes, a child goes. If you are enjoying the holiday, chances are really good your children will also. If you are stresssed, your children will feel that as well. Being healthy as a woman sets a great example to your children and is more likely to help you remember the true meaning of Christmas.


Always,

Catherine

When is the last time you sat and colored with your children? Can't remember? Then it has probably been too long.

Coloring is something we think we outgrow. It seems childish and simplisitc. But sometimes we need to get back to the basics in our motherhood and taking the time to do the things we did with our kids when they were little helps us remember the things that matter. We are not always sure what they meant to our kids but sometimes returning to our past helps us with the present.

When my daugher was in her sophmore year in college, she came down with a severe case of mononucleosis. She had to drop out for the semester and return home. She felt exhausted and had no energy whatsoever. When I asked her if I could get her anything, she said, "Can you pick me up some crayons and a coloring book? Surpised by the simple request, I told her yes. I also asked her how would that make her feel better.

"When I was little, I would color and it would make me feel better. It was something I could do that comforted me and I enjoyed it," she said. "When I feel bad, doing something I did when life was simpler makes everything better now."

I realized that too often we do not recognize or appreciate the things that go on in our children's mind and heart. They are much deeper than we realize and connect dots together we didn't even know existed. Look and see what habits and experiences your children are using to learn how to cope with changes in life and living.

It is 4 am and I am awake. I have several young friends who have recently had babies and I bet they are awake as well. I also can't forget those parents who have just dropped their children off at college and if those moms were close by, I might run into them as well.

It dawned on me that regardless of how old your children are, you will have nights where sleep escapes you. For the most part, moms fall into a coma when their head hits the pillow because they have worked tirelessly since sunrise. Yet, there are moments in our motherhood where we don't sleep and we need to keep these times in perspective.

When I can't sleep, it means I probably should be praying (or writing). The house is quiet and I can think with no noise, interference from outside influences, or a million other things to do that need to be done. There is something about the silence of the night that helps us gain perspective and rethink my priorities.

I do not do well with sleep deprivation but I can tell you that I remember those middle of the nights moments with my children like they were yesterday. When you find yourself in a place where sleep is alluding you, pay attention to the moment and recognize you are meeting your children's needs and they will trust you more as a result. You are telling them you are willing to sacrifice for the sake of their welfare and your gentle touch will comfort them in a way that no one else in the world can.

You might also get phone calls in the middle of the night from homesick students or kids who have just broken off a relationship. If they call for that reason, be grateful instead of reminding them of how late it is. The fact they have reached out to you in this manner says you did your job well when they were little.

So the next time you are not able to sleep, use it as a time to be thankful and to remember the blessings your children have been. God will redeem the lost sleep and bless you for your faithfulness to be grateful.

Always,

Catherine

I know it is easy to get into the habit of a routine. Morning rush and evening rituals are rather overwhelming. We can be so busy about the business of getting everything done that we miss the special moments we can have with our children.

Think a minute. How many times do you hug your children daily? Do you touch one more than another? How often are you touching your older children?

Let me encourage you not to take this act of affection for granted. There is tremendous bonding in touch and it works when words fail. Some children are more touchy feely than others and it is easy to hug them. But for those that are aloof or cool, it is not okay to let them dictate whether they are touched. You would not let them make medical decisions or academic decisions so why would you let them be in charge of making emotional decisions?

Too often we let children decide how we are to be with them when in fact we need to be the adult and make the decision for them. We have been entrusted with the responsibility to care for them and contribute to healthy development. That won't happen if you and I abdicate our responsibility.

When your kids are grown and no longer live under your roof, you will miss the times you had to hold them. My kids are grown and everytime I say good-bye, I hold on for just a few added moments because I am reminded they will always be little in my heart and I love them so very much.

Hug them tight. They are precious in His sight.

Always,

Catherine

Motherhood is universal and crosses all barriers, including political. I do not believe it is my place to endorse candidates and I don't intend to start now. I do, however, embrace mothers who stand out for courageous choices.

Yesterday Sarah Palin was nominated to become the Vice President of the United States. I had been following her since she delievered her little boy, Trig, a Downs Syndrome baby, in April. She has five chidlren and he was born to her at the age of 44.

Sarah and her husband knew many months before his delivery that Trig had Downs. When she was interviewed, she said they never considered terminating his life because they believed they had been chosen for the privilege of being his parents. Upon his birth, they announced to the rest of the world his arrival and they dd so with hope, joy, and excitement.

Sarah, like so many parents of childen who are born with disabilities, handles this with honor, determination, and faith. Too often parents of chidlren with these challenges are not as appreciated for their steadfast diligence as they deserve. They do what they do simply because they love their child. Nevertheless, they don't get attention for he selflessness and sacrifice.

Sarah's rise in the political world is a great moment for moms of all types but especailly those who share the challenge of a disability. I pray that her high profile will draw greater attention to the world of these special moms. If you have one of these special moms in your life, take the time to tell her you appreciate her and her commitment to her special needs child.

Always,

Catherine

Change is never easy, no matter how old we are. It is something that comes with life but very few of us know how to do it well. But it is a gift we can give our kids if we know how to deal with it ourselves.

A young mom who is moving to another state asked me last night if I had any thoughts on how to help her kids deal with the transition. I shared with her the following thoughts:
1. Talk about how you will feel with moving. Explain that while it is exciting, it is also sad to leave behind friends, family, and relationships that are important. Talk about making new friends but also talk about coming back to see old ones. That will provide comfort.
2. I always had the family walk through each room in the house together a day or two before we physically moved out. I would ask them to share memories of events that had happened in the room. We would laugh, cry, and reflect on the things that had made us a family. I was always fascinated as to the things the kids remembered. It would give me terrific insight in to what they valued and how they felt.
3. Tears are not something to be feared. Whether your kids are changing schools, neighborhoods or states, change means loss and loss can be scary. Let them cry and comfort them with the reminder that you understand how they feel and that while it does not feel good right now, they will feel better.
4. Let them participate in the change. If they are going to a new school, go for a tour several days before teachers get assigned so they can see the campus without the hustle and bustle of new students. If you have gotten plugged into a new church or extracurricular activity, then help them identify other kids who may be attending their school.
If you have moved, let them help fix their room. We always would write scripture on the walls before we painted so they knew God's presence was in their room. Whatever you do, include them in the settling process and know they will be anxious but they will get over it.
5. Most of all, how you adapt will impact how well they adapt. Stay focused on the faith you have and the God that loves you more than you love your children and you will enjoy the journey of change.


Catherine

I am spending time with my son, who graduated from college a few weeks ago and is getting ready to move out of state to take his first full-time position. He will be 24 in just a few months. which I know ages me greatly.

Before you write me off, listen to someone who is saying good-bye on a whole new level.

Time will go so quickly you won't know what happened.

Don' t wish it away.

Stay present in the moment so you can catch every experience you can. Even if the moment you are in is difficult, hold on and know that time cannot be held for anyone or any reason.

Every time my son or daughter have left to go back to college, I have held on a little longer when I hugged them. I knew we are entering a new phase of life and it would never be the same again.

Life was not always easy in our home but because we had a faith in someone bigger than ourselves and we laughed our way through every trial, we have wonderful memories. Don't wish away your difficult times because they can become glue that your children will reflect on in the later years.

God gave me two children who taught me different lessons about time. Taylor was (and is) a child who never hurried. He liked to take life at a steady pace and soak everything in like a sponge. Tiffany loved her age and never wanted to be a day older than she was. In fact, there were a few birthdays that tears were shed because she was sad she had to leave her age because it had been so wonderful. (I thought that only happened to us when we got past 40!)

Seize your moments, moms. This is not a dress rehearsal. You only get one shot to embrace the moment you are in.

Catherine

Edited: 06/03/2008 at 05:23 PM by catherine.hickem

Today is a holiday and for many of our children, they will celebrate ion their classroom. You were probably up late helping write out all those little cards so your child(ren) could proudly walk into their classroom and hand them out to their classmates.

These moments with your children create memories, more about you than their little friends. It says to your child that you value them and you take the time to help them particpate in life and living. You show them your love when you invest in them this way.

There are other ways to show your children how special they are on this day. It doesn't have to be big or expensive. A special trip to the ice cream store, a heart gift, or just something that a) shows them they are special and you have extra special thoughts of them on this day and b) teaches them to be thoughtful. It is important to remember that chldren must first experience thoughtfulnesss in order to reciprocate it.

Now for you. No one may say it to you on this day but you are special and you are the most important woman your children will ever know. While they may not be able to voice it, you can count on the fact that in years to come, they will be grateful to have a mom like you. And remember, you bless God when you bless your children.

Happy Valentine's Day to all the moms out there who love their kids well.


Catherine

Good news, moms. You are almost to the finish line. In just a few hours, you won't be able to "do" any more. You will just get to be.

You have worked hard to get it all done and if you are like me, there is always more that can be done. But at some point, we have to draw our lines so we don't miss out on the things that really matter.

I know there is still cooking to do for many of us but it is better to have less food and more of you. Your presence will bless your children more than additional edibles.

Every year the gifts change but what doesn't chamge is their need for a mother who truly loves, likes, and respects them. The children will grow, mature, and unfold through their different ages of development and you will have the privilege ( and sometimes, challenge) of adapting to their needs and changes. But the cionsistency of you, the only woman who will ever love them the way you do, will be a gift they will not appreciate until they have children of their own.

Don't forget to include a celebration fo the truth of Christmas in your holiday. God chose you to be their mom and for them to be your children so it is important to keep Christ at the center of the equation. You also want to remember that long after you are gone you will want your kids to have a faith in Christ so they have something to hang onto that is bigger than them. After all, this day is really about Him.

So take a moment and breathe. Grab a cup of hot choocalte, tea, or coffee and sit down by the tree after everyone has gone to bed. Refelct on your blessings, ponder the lessons learned this year, and ask God to help you "be" present tomorrow on Christmas day. Remember, it is the gift of your presence, not your presents, that matter most!

Merry Christmas!

Catherine