It is the Friday after Thanksgiving and I am sitting at my computer. I was reflecting on yesterday, Thanksgiving, and thought I would share a few thoughts.

I had my parents, both children who live out of town, a niece and her boyfriend, as well as a friend of my daughter's sitting at our table. As I listened to each person recount some of the blessings of the year, I paid particular interest to look into their face as they spoke. Having young and old at the table, I take nothing for granted. The old, due to age and health. The young, due to naivete and risk.

I won't forget their faces, their words, or their hearts. I am indeed grateful to have had their presence bless me.

Of course there was the typical Hickem family fiasco where a pot holder catches fire while we are sharing our blessings. Smoke billows and we laugh at the moment. This we call life.

Today I look around and see remnants of yesterday. All but my son will be gone in just a few hours. He leaves on Sunday so I will cherish my time with him.

I say all of this to encourage you to pay attention to the moments you have. Don't take them for granted because they may look very different next year. Someone new will probably be at your table and someone may be missing. Take a moment to thank God for what you have instead of what you don't. Thanksgiving is more than just one day a year. In a healthy person and family, it is a way of life.

Always,

Catherine

Thanksgiving is in a few days and it will be a holiday that for many families, will come and go without any appreciation of its true meaning. I think our nation would be richer if parents understood the importance of using this holiday as an opportunity to reinforce the importance of gratitude and humility.

One of the saddest phenomenons to have come out of the affluence of our culture is the sense this generation of children are owed a life that is at the level of their parents lives now. Too many kids think they should start off with the new car, new house, six figure income, etc. because this is the life to which they are accustom. This is entitlement in its finest form.

If you want your children to be senstive to others, thoughtful, unselfish, and giving, it must start now. Giving needs to be a way of life, not an occasional event. An attitude of humility and compassion can be formed early in a child's development if we are wlling to teach and train them with this value in mind.

On this Thanksgiving, start by asking your children for what they are thankful. Listen carefully to not only what they say but how they say it. Is it an easy question for them to answer or is it something they have already given thought? Don't get frustrated with their response but instead use it as a learning tool to see where you stand with instilling your values.

You may want to take some time to think through your own sense of gratitude and entitlement. For what are you thankful? When is the last time your wrote a letter of thanks or took the time to give selflessly to someone other than a family member?

Years ago my family was experiencing challenging times. I didn't think anything about it because I knew we had made some choices and sacrifices we thought were the right thing for our family. Nevertheless, there were some tough moments.

One day I was going through the mail and I received a check for $300.00 and it was signed "From God". It was a cashiers check and I could not track down who had mailed it. The person who sent it clearly did not want any credit or thanks for their gift.

A selfless gift was given by a thoughtful person who had no desre for the credit, attention, or thanks they would receive. This went on for six months and to this day, I do not know who blessed us. Over the years , we have received gifts in this manner and I am always in awe by the sacrifice.

I hope you will take this holiday to step back and reflect on your blessings. Have a Happy Thanksgiving and don't forget to be intentional in teaching your children the value of appreciation.

Always,

Catherine

Edited: 11/27/2009 at 10:02 AM by catherine.hickem

In addition to overseeing Intentional Moms, an organization for moms, I am an executive coach in the corporate world. The experience has been one where I have learned more than my clients and it has reinforced the significance of parenting well.

In working with business executives, you get the chance to see how they function under pressure (especially in this economy), treat people, make decisions, and relate to people. While they are functioning in their role, of which is sometimes very powerful and influential, you realize the importance of who they are as people.

Great leaders are often confused with people who possess charisma. Too often people have followed the wrong leaders because they could not separate the difference. Truly great leaders will demonstrate integrity, sound judgment, and immense character. However, those are values and beliefs that must be taught and developed. They will not be learned in school or college. They must be taught at home.

If our goal is to raise healthy children who have meaningful lives, we need to make character development a priority. I have no doubt each mom wants that for her children but it will require more than a desire. It will necessitate action, perseverance, and determination. Moms will need patience and a vision of what they want their children to look like as people.

This is not an option any more. The current state of our world is telling us we must rise to a call to action. Join me as we become intentional in mothering children to healthy adulthood so we can know we have passed the baton to a healthier generation.

Always,

Catherine

Memorial Day has become another opportunity for Americans to have a long weekend. It is usually a time where people launch their summer activities, have bar-b-ques, and just kick back for a lazy gathering among friends and family. These are wonderful ways to create memories, relax, and enjoy time with those we love.

Memorial Day is also an important time for parents to take the time to teach their children about the sacrifice others have made for their freedom. Regardless of how old they are, children need to know about the history of their native land and the cost people paid for all of us to live free. Freedom is never free and our children will not understand or appreciate their blessings if we only make the day about a good time.

I recently traveled to Gettysburg on a business trip in my role as an executive coach. We walked the fields and listened to the challenges of both sides of the Civil War, the leadership they had, the strategies they used, and the men whose bravery we still know today. As I was walking through the various battlegrounds, I was reminded of the depth of sacrifice families have made, not just the soldiers. Every family member sacrifices when a family member goes to war.

Use this time to teach your children about your own family history and those who are your relatives who have served our nation. Be sure to teach them to honor the flag, be respective of the national anthem, and to reverence the veterans who have served. Teach your children to thank a soldier when they are little and they will never forget what Memorial Day will mean when they are older. And isn't that our job? To prepare them to become responsible citizens and grateful patriots.

Always,

Catherine

In recent weeks we have heard tragic stories of kids who were bullied. I am always heart broken when I read and hear about children whose lives have been wounded by the unkind actions of other children. I have also found it interesting that no one seems to discuss the source of the problem.

Most children learn their behavior from what they see and experience. Many times parents are clueless when they discover their children might be involved in bullying others. But the truth is that it pours out onto the playground or classroom because of the child having been a recipient of bullying. Many times a child becomes a bully because of sibling issues and an unhealthy atmosphere at home. I am not about blaming parents. I do believe, however, we always need to look inside first before we seek to blame others for our children's problems.

If your child is being bullied, take it seriously and make sure you let others know it will not be tolerated. It is your job to be your child's protector and they need you to be their voice in situations where they are vulnerable. Being a student of your child will help you notice when your child is feeling safe and when he is not. Intentional moms are continuous students and are always learning and growing in every way. Don't take anything for granted and don't forget to include God in the equation of your parenting. Remember, he knew you were in over your head the minute you had the child so let him help you raise your children.

Always,

Catherine

This blog will not be able to outline all of the thoughts I have on raisng healthy children. However, I thought it was important to share three key concepts that create healthy adults.

First, the ability to adapt. Show me a child who can handle change well and I will show you one who can mange life rather effectively as an adult. Don't get me wrong. I believe structure and routine are healthy for children. It gives them a sense of security and confidence. Yet, a child who can roll with the punches and changes life brings, will be able to walk through a crisis with hope and peace because they will not perceive it as if the world is falling apart.

Secondly, a child lives in a family where balance exists has a much better chance of having and maintaining healthy relationships and avoiding extremes. This is a very important characteristic for a child to possess in their daily life because it becomes their definition of normal. They will gravitate toward that lifestyle of balance as an adult if they saw it lived out in their childhood. One of the main issues we have in today's culture is too many things are out of balance in life and family. This is not healthy or good for any one for any reason.

Lastly, always teach your children they have options in life. Too often we get stuck in an either/or mentality. I find there is typically a lot more options than we initally see. Teach your children to look for multiple answers to life's questions and I will show you children who will help solve problems with confidence and hope.

Always,

Catherine

Last night, all was quiet in my home. It was about 11:30 pm and everyone was winding down for the evening. Presents were bought and wrapped, plans for the family gathering were made, and now we waited for Christmas Eve, my favorite part of Christmas.

All of a sudden, I hear a yell from my husband who is in the other part of the house. We all go running into the living room to see that the Christmas tree had fallen. He and Tiffany place it back in its upright position while we stand there looking at the mess, wondering what had happened.

For the next hour, the four Hickem's worked at trying to solve our tree crisis. My engineer son evaluated the problem and decided on a course of action for us to follow. Of course, there were broken ornaments to sweep up, water to mop up, and presents to rewrap. It would be about 1:00 before we would all crawl into bed.

Today, we have the tree standing with its lights glowing. I have ornaments to put on to get it back to its original flare. Time will dictate how much more work we will be able to invest in this tree.

As I was watching my crazy family handle this little "unexpected" interruption, several thougths came to mind:

1. Christmas was an interruption. No one was really expecting a child to change the world. No one was expecting the angels to sing and a star to guide the wisest men of that day.

2. Christmas pulled people out of their comfort zones. Mary had to deliver a baby away from her family and in another country. Joseph stayed with a woman who was pregnant and he was not the father. Herod went nuts and changed the laws of the land because he was so threatened.

3. Christmas brought good news amidst difficult times. The world needed a Savior and God knew the exact time He needed to send His son.

I could go on, but interruptions from the unexpected reflect the character and heart of a family. We see what we are made of in those times when life does not go as planned. Our children also recognize what we prioritize in challenging moments.

I have three concepts that I think are critical for moms to teach their children: balance, adaptability, and options. Last night's mishap was a great opportunity for us to practice them together as a family. More importantly, it reminded me that in the scheme of life, it was an opportunity for the Hickem family to once again work together in our zany, Hickem sort of way. It was another memory for our scrapbook. (We did get pictures!)

Isn't Christmas about family? Isn't it about the unexpected?

If things are not going the way you planned, they maybe going the exact way God intended. Instead of looking at the problem, look at this as an opportunity create memories amidst the challenges. It will be these holidays your children will remember most.

Merry Christmas!

Catherine

This is a day that gets attention from the national media but I am afraid we have a generation fo children who truly do not understand that it is more than just a day off from school. We as a nation l iving in war time and if you looked around in the United States, you would probably not have much evidence of that.

I understand why we cannot talk about war to our younger children but we can definitely have a discussion with those who are enjoying the day off. It is a great time to be intentional with teaching them the virtues of sacrifice, patriotism, human rights, and many other lessons of life.

It would also be helpful if as a family you can identify those people in your children's lives who are veterans. You may have to discuss what a veteran is before you begin to identify the war heroes in your family. You can use a military uniform as outward evidence of someone who might be in the service.

If your family knows of someone who has served, then maybe it would be nice for the children to draw or write a thank you note, thanking the solider or former service person for protecting all of us. As we approach Thanksgiving, it is never too early to thank those who have given their all and risked their lives so we can enjoy the freedoms we have in this great country we call the United States of America.

Always,

Catherine

Don't Panic. This blog will not be political.

However, it wil be about motherhood. And the election.

Many times as parents we have a tendency to ignore our children during political seasons. I don't mean we are not paying attention to them. I do mean we do not think it is important to educate them about our political process. More importantly, we don't seize the moment to share with our children our values, convictions, and beliefs. It is time where we can communicate to them the things we believe, the things we don't, and to teach them about character and judgment.

Growing up, I always knew who my parents were going to vote for in the national and state elections. Yet, I never really knew why they were voting the way they were because it was not discussed in my home. They always did their civic duty and I knew they felt it was a privilege to live in a nation where they had the freedom to voice their conviction. But conviction about what?

Do you know why you will vote the way you will? Is it substantive enough you can articulate it to your children? Is there a process that you have you can teach them that will enhance their thinking skills and at the same time, model for them what a good citizen in the USA looks like?

It is the job of every mom to teach their child resposibility as well as ownership of what it means to be a citizen. Don't let this moment slip by without using it as a opportunity model your hope for the future and your children's as well.

Always,

Catherine

In one of my more foolish moments as a young adult, I asked my mom what I could do to pay her back for all she had done for me. I did not have children at the time I asked that question so I really did not understand the real value of the question.

My mom always took me seriously and respectfully answered my question, even though I now understand how ridiculous it was. She said, "There is no way you can pay me back. The only thing I ask is that you do for your children what we did for you. That is the best gift you could give me!"

I now appreciate that answer in ways I didn't fully grasp then. It is impossible to pay back what has been done for you. Yet, we can look at our children as an opportunity to invest in the future because there truly is no greater investment than our children.

If you are wondering if this is about money, it really isn't. It is so much more important we give our children ourselves, our faith, our values, and create memories. It is about us knowing our children and recognizing the gift they are to us.

I was recently with a young woman who has a two year old. I love to watch her with her daughter because it is evident she truly enjoys being in her presence. This mom said. "Catherine, it doesn't get any better than this. To know I am the mother of this little person is overwhelming. I am just in awe of the privilege."

I know this young woman's mother and she feels the same way about her adult daughter as this young mom feels about her two year old. This grandmother's heart is being passed down through the generations and what a blessing it is for this little girl to have such a rich heritage.

Whether you inherited a healthy family or a dysfunctional family, you can choose what it is you want to share with the next generation. Be intentional about what you want to pay forward and let it begin today. In a time of economic woes, it is important to remember the things that really matter that can't be bought: love, faith, and family!

Always,

Catherine