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Giving Back
By Catherine Hickem of www.IntentionalMotherhood.com
Know What You Want. This point may seem obvious, but let’s try it out. What do you want your children to look like when they’re grown? I don’t mean physically, but emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Take a moment and jot down five or six characteristics you want to see manifested in your children by the time they are adults. You can be broad in your desires or specific.
Now look at your list. Is honest in there? How about compassionate? Did you mention you wanted a good decision maker?
You could list a hundred or so characteristics you might want your children to possess. All would probably be worthy attributes in developing an emotionally healthy person. But here are some questions to consider:
- How do you think your children will develop these virtues you cherish?
- By what method do you believe such values will become a part of the fabric of your child’s character?
- When will you begin the process of instilling these beliefs and values?
Your purpose will be fulfilled when you can answer these questions with confidence and direction.
Intentional mothers know who they want their children to be as people, and therefore they set out on a course to make it happen.
On your journey, don’t take things for granted or assume you’ll have plenty of time to tackle it later. Recognize that it will take an entire childhood and adolescence to instill the things that really matter.
This process is called parenting.
More specifically—motherhood.
Being intentional as a mother involves a constant call to action. It’s not enough to want your children to encompass godly virtues and values; you must be willing to model, teach, lead and nurture them in the daily experiences called life. You will be asked to think in layers and create an atmosphere in your home conducive for your children to thrive and flourish from the inside out.
When our children were little, my husband and I were keenly aware of several attitudes we did not want manifested in our children. One of those attitudes was a sense of entitlement.
We didn’t want our children growing up believing the world owed them something. We also didn’t want our children thinking themselves superior to others. We wanted our children to have servant hearts and a strong work ethic. We wanted them to possess a grateful spirit that was humble and generous.
We knew that for them to capture these values, all of which were biblical in their foundation, we needed to see these characteristics as a thread to be woven in the things we did, lived and taught every day.
Over the years, this value took on many forms and faces. We took them to nursing homes to see elderly people who were often alone. They participated in serving holiday dinners for the indigent as well as Christmas parties for homeless children. They participated in the deaf ministry and learned sign language. From early childhood to their senior year of high-school, investing in others was a way of life.
We also interwove delayed gratification into their lives. We believed it was important to teach them how to wait graciously. God doesn’t always answer every request immediately, and neither did we.
Can I tell you how grateful I am that we thought this through?
I wish I could tell you that my husband and I thought through every value we embrace, but we didn’t. However, the ones with which we were intentional have paid off in our children’s lives.
Catherine Hickem, LCSW is a mother of two, a psychotherapist with 25 years of experience, a corporate coach, and a pastor’s wife. All of these various roles have given her a front row seat to the issues that mothers of all ages encounter in mothering their children. Read Catherine’s blog on PreciousMoms.com
