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By Catherine Hickem, LCSW, of www.IntentionalMotherhood.com

On the morning of Taylor’s graduation from high school, I found my self down at the school looking for a release paper he had to turn in before he could graduate.  We had enjoyed the baccalaureate the night before and were within hours of seeing our firstborn graduate.  Taylor took it with him to turn in the previous evening, but got sidetracked with all the festivities. He looked for it way into the night to no avail. 

We decided we would divide and conquer so he was at one location on the school campus and I was at the other, praying one of us would find it.  Otherwise a day that was scheduled to be rather enjoyable would be spent stressfully completing a laborious process and delay part of our family celebration.

While I was searching, a phone call came in from my daughter Tiffany who was a day away from being a senior in high school herself.  She was crying because she had just had a car accident on the way to school.  It happened on the interstate highway right before she exited. 

The school that the kids attended was 25 miles from home to school.  All the years we had traveled the distance, we were blessed to have never had an event.  Now on this day, Tiffany would have her fist encounter with the challenges of driving alone and dealing with the reality of life’s vulnerabilities.

I went to the scene and stayed with her through the process.  Fortunately, no one was hurt and the car was still drivable.  My husband came and took the car to a shop and I took her to school.  While on the way, I got a call from the school office saying the form had been located and all was well.

As I sat at the graduation that evening, I was reminded of several issues. First, I will always be a mother and they will always need me.  While the ways they need me will change, I really believe that moms will always be the ones that are behind the scenes, doing the things no one else will do. 

Second, life as a mom is always filled with dichotomous moments.  On one hand, you are dealing with an issue that is somewhat mundane and on the other, you are dealing with life and death circumstances.  It is always unpredictable and never boring.

Third, when children are little, you think the day of their departure will never come. As a result, we take for granted the time we have and put many things off until tomorrow. It would be wise to recognize that the day you have is the most important one you have. There are no guarantees.

In life, maximize every moment because you are building a foundation for which your relationship with them as an adult will rest.

Children are like a mutual fund: the more you put in the front end, the higher the return on the back end.  When they grow, you have no control, power, or authority.  All you have is the respect, honor, and trust you developed with them while they were growing up under your care. Those investments will pay off because they will value your thoughts and input (especially if asked for) and you will still be needed in their lives.

As I listened to the strains of Pomp and Circumstance, I knew that life was turning a corner and it would never be the same again.  We spent our whole lives working toward this moment to set him free to pursue his dreams and goals.  While I was excited and proud of him as well as proud for him, I was sad this chapter was ending.  It is okay to feel the loss in the midst of a joyous moment because it is the way God created us to experience life. It is called closure.

Lastly, I looked over at my daughter and realized I would be going through this experience all over again.  I recognized that a year from now I would be a different mom, hopefully, because I too, had grown and changed with them.  I also wanted to relish the memories I would create with both of them as Taylor entered his first year of college and Tiffany entered her final year of high school.  I didn’t want to waste it on what could have been, but wanted to be intentional in what could be.

Catherine Hickem, LCSW is a mother of two, a psychotherapist with 25 years of experience, a corporate coach, and a pastor’s wife. All of these various roles have given her a front row seat to the issues that mothers of all ages encounter in mothering their children.

Read Catherine’s blog on PreciousMoms.com.